What Does Body Hair Mean to You?
I’m going back to dancing tomorrow.
I’m not ready.
I’m at war with my body right now, I let myself gain weight and I’m too depressed to work hard to get rid of it. I’ve had the time and I’ve just let it slide by. Why?
And I don’t want to shave.
I’m also on the brink of being completely flat ass broke. Webcamming is slow as usual and my boyfriend loses his job in two weeks.
Whats a girl to do.
We just went to check out the nearest club called Eden. Its ok. The normal strip club stench hit me like a ton when we walked in the door. Its the usual mix of cheap perfume, cigarette smoke and sex.
But the women are all skinny. Alot skinnier than they were at the last club I worked at.
I’m not skinny right now. I hate my body right now and I feel like my body hair is the last thing I have to show for Australia.
It holds a lot of sentimentality for me right now and I’m not even sure why.
Maybe because its the physical representation of the way I made a bunch of money while telling the patriarchal system FUCK YOU and your idiotic grooming and body standards on femininity.
But being homeless and broke I don’t like. My Venus is in Taurus, perhaps that has something to do with it.
I can do this.
I can fucking do this.
I can shave, I can put on a dress, I can paint my face, I can step up on the stage and dance.
I will crawl my way back up to the top.
Its possible.
October 7, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Sequoia, I think no matter what your decision is, you have to remain true to who you want to be, and not what the world wants. I hate it when we are tried to be pushed into a mold. Just remember to do what you love and happiness will come. If there is anything I can do let me know. KISSES
October 7, 2008 at 11:07 pm
It sound like you have to choose between letting go of your survival dance and start living your scared one. “The past can’t take you to were you need to be, it can only take you to were you have already been”
peace
dave
October 7, 2008 at 11:47 pm
its not really about what the world wants, but survival at this point, silky.
dave, i don’t really understand your comment.
October 8, 2008 at 2:19 am
babygirl! OHMYGOD, I am starting dancing again tomorrow too! Wow, we are so in the same boat, which makes me feel not so alone. I am so homeless and broke right now and I am dreading dancing again because I am having self-esteem issues as well. Let’s support each other.
You could gain two hundred pounds and still be a goddess. You radiate beauty and sex appeal and intelligence and duende. You probably can’t see it right now, but it doesn’t matter- it is there.
Keep goals in mind and get out as soon as you can if you aren’t feeling good. I am mainly trying to get a couple g’s together to get a house and hold myself over for the month or two it will take to find a good, quiet job at a bookstore or bank or something. I need quiet and privacy right now and this is just a means to an end! I am with you!
October 8, 2008 at 2:21 am
I don’t understand Dave’s comment either. You can do it, Sequoia. If you aren’t feeling it, do it for enough time to make what you need and then apply at a flower shop or a health foods store or something else that vibrates more at your frequency.
October 8, 2008 at 2:22 am
BTW- I just shaved my beautiful bush off tonight with a goddamn dollar store razor blade. Body hair means something to me as well, but it will grow back. Keep some of your sacred Australia hair in a little pouch in your journal to remember it. Then start anew when you have saved what you need and infuse new memories and meaning into this round.
October 8, 2008 at 2:51 am
Oh, I’m sorry honey. I’m gonna go answer your email now. *hugs*
October 8, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I think you and Davka have an interesting connection and should collaborate (conspire, deviate, conjugate?) to see what you and others like you can create as far as a domain conduscive to your collective personalities.
With all of your connections you may be able to find a land “owner” that would love to have a community that you girls could create. It’s worth putting out there.
I channeled that shit.
October 8, 2008 at 12:40 pm
The hair thing, is only temporal! Your heart feeling is the key. The weight, temporal! Most men like the real! Just let the LOVE flow from your being, your hands, your eyes, your heart!!! They will pay good for REAL love!
October 8, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Well , to answer the question, Yummy if your are clean!
My favorite is the leg and pit hair!! Ok, its my deal. Those french Canadians, YUMMY!! The smell of REAL bodies drives me Fucking insane!
October 8, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Sequoia, I’ve told you in the past that I worry about you, and this is why.
Just please be safe.
October 8, 2008 at 5:15 pm
If it’s something you do well then you should do it, you may get the chance to be creative and suggest that if people like AW there’ll like a different type of erotic dance too, It’s worth a try. Wouldn’t it be nice to get rid of all the things you don’t like about dancing and keep the things you do like.
October 8, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Well,it happens to woman.Its always a problem:a small pimple,weightloss,bodyhair,nothing to wear,etc.But thats makes you a woman,and we love you not paying attention to all this little (in mans opinion) things.Greetings from NYC!
October 8, 2008 at 7:00 pm
What I’m saying is, it sounds to me like you don’t want to dance. I’m saying the same thing as every one else. Yes you can do it! I hope you don’t think I was putting you down…I’m not…dave loves. You said yourself that you didn’t want to shave so why compromise your principles.
peace
Dave
October 9, 2008 at 12:32 am
dave, its compromising my principles but i just don’t think there is a market for furry in strip clubs the way they are at the moment. clubs have rules for grooming and shaving is the norm.
one day when i have land i’ll open a strip club that have natural women dancing. no heels no makeup, just beauty in its purest form.
October 9, 2008 at 11:11 pm
If the picture you posted of you on the bike the other day is any indication, you look fantastic. I’ve seen many a stripper and I realize that ultra-skinny and shaved-bare is the norm for that line of work, but it’s not what every guy at a club wants to see. I prefer curvy women. As for the bush, well, I like that too, but I know you probably won’t have any choice in that matter. I hope you don’t have to compromise for too much longer.
I wish you luck in your quest to own land, too. Ever considered going to Canada? There’s a company up there called H.M. Dignam that specializes in undeveloped rural land sales. Depending on how far north you’re willing to go, you can get some amazing deals, like 150 acres for $30,000. I’ve never dealt with them, so I can’t really vouch for them, but I find the idea intriguing.
October 10, 2008 at 7:28 am
I do remember when you were dancing before and you made more than the plastic chics because you had a real personality.
I remember watching people really watching the way you moved.
I remember how you got into great shape from dancing.
The fact is, everything you let yourself flow with turns out really well. Let’s work on filming more before you go shave. I know we can find some women like you to work with.
October 13, 2008 at 12:27 am
I think you have the right to feel sad and angry and even a little bit ‘o feminist angst about this. I feel a bit angsty at the thought of you giving up that hair that you maintained for a really personal and empowering reason. However, this is what movement is like, particularly in the sphere of female sexuality - one step forward, two back. And with every little setback you have to work that much harder and put forth that much more energy to recover, and then there’s that which you need for moving forward and doing more and affecting change. But the metaphor doesn’t really stop with you shaving this one time for this particular purpose. That’s the thing with the hair. It’s re-generative, it grows back, and thicker and stronger and darker too. And at the top of the ladder when you build the stability you want, you’re going to stand up there with a big dark beautiful triangle grown from every setback (and there are going to be more…lots more…and your sprightliness for recovery is going to increase i suspect, because you’re a pretty righteous babe) and I’m going to stand at the bottom and take some photos of the sunlight in it.
October 16, 2008 at 11:04 pm
hey sequoia, i’ve gone to strip clubs on and off since i was 18 and here and there, when the beautiful women sported their bush, there was always a crowd…but if you do decide to shave it, remember, it is not you. your hair and your curves and your beautiful smile are not you either. you’re soul is you and it is untouchable, no matter what happens on the outside. you are beauitful and brave for tackling these issues with us, the public…thanks….mateo
October 16, 2008 at 11:07 pm
by the way sequoia, you should check out terlingua, texas…land there is real cheap, like $500 per acre. i have a friend living there off the grid, building a geodesic dome, and there are a bunch of people doing it in the area…good luck, mateo
October 22, 2008 at 3:28 am
Dear Sequoia,
Please keep your hair. It defines you as a woman, not as a pre-pubescent jailbait fantasy for pedophiles. I hope there are other things you could do - things you WANT to do - besides dance. Hang in there and best of luck. We’re all rooting for you.